Bartokular

Behold, the most amazing thing i've found on the interwebs.

UFOPORNOOOOO

This makes no sense.....aaaaaand is completely BRILLIANT!


Go ahead and try to not scream out UFOPORNOOOOOO randomly, i dare you.
Just be carefull to realize that no one knows the joke, and you probably shoudn't rub up against random girls.
they get angry.
trust me.

This almost makes me want to visit Finland.
Almost.

ahhhhh......what?

This is why I don't play baseball....all the ass hammering.
I also suggest that philly change their dugout celebrations moving forward.

Child's Play

Fox 4 kansas City
Video in link

A children's toy is turning heads in Pennsylvania. Folks are buying a doll that doesn't talk like it's supposed to. Parents hear it talking about Islam and Satan.

Does no one else realize the severity of this situation here? Has everyone already forgotten about the "lakeshore strangler" aka Charles Lee Ray who, when mortally wounded, transferred his soul into a seemingly harmless chucky doll with his voodoo black magic? Well I haven't forgotten and children's dolls will forever haunt me......along with clowns, midgets and carnies. Clearly this is a national security issue and we are being outsmarted once again. Deep down I've always been fearful that this day would come, but I never imagined it to be so quickly. The terrorists have discovered the deadly black art of voodoo and are using it to transfer their souls into children's play toys.

The only resolution here is to divide each doll into 6 parts and send each to the 6 corners of the earth....asuming the earth were in the shape of a hexagon....because hexagons have 6 corners....and the earth is actually round so there aren't any corners.

This guy totally seems legit.

Dominic Butch Rodriguez has been accused installing a camera in a shower to spy on a mother and daughter who rented a home on West 26th Street. Cleveland police took computers, cd's, videos, and handguns from Rodriguez 's home.

First of all i'm pretty sure rule #1 of renting is "Never rent from a guy named butch", Which is subsequently followed by "Never rent from a guy who can't look straight" and "If you find yourself in Ohio, get the fuck out".

I hate to blame the victim here, but clearly ignoring rules 1 through 3 is just asking for your most private moments to be video taped and stored on VHS/BETAMAX and/or Laser Disk.




I'm pretty sure the leasing conversation went like this:

Butch: (breathes through teeth)"ohhhh...yeah...ummm...you have to use the basement bathroom to shower and stand right here when you're naked."

Trailer Park Face: "here?"

Butch: "no no right here....and the...nope...just a little more to the left....perfect."

If its not scottish, ITS CRRRRAP

<----Click me
(then click "begin" on the left hand of the screen to start the book)


Growing up and learning about sex is hard enough on your own, let alone learning from a Scottish chick who makes me giggle when she says knackers.
Not only will you learn way too much about the drinking habits of underage girls in scotland, but you can have the following questions answered:

Q. I've had sex once and it wasn't much fun, my penis hurt afterwards. Will it always be like that?

Q. The boys in my class call me gay as I don't have a girlfriend. Do you think I could be gay?

Q. I have small tits. Will I ever get a boyfriend?


There is no way this can be real. right?
RIGHT?!


The one thing this did do for me was completely change my outlook on scottish people.
Up until now my understanding has solely come from the workings of mike myers.






On a side note, did anyone else want to party with anne-marie after watching the boys and girls book?
yeah, me too.

Notes from the debate

So apparently a friend over at holytaco.com obtained a copy of each of the candidates notes from the debate.
I kept wondering what they were writing on their notepads the whole time.









holytaco

da da da da daaaaaaaa, i'm lovin it.

Except when I'm getting punched repeatedly in the face waiting for my McGriddle.




Now that's what I call a Mac attack.
Zing!


Seriously though, never get in between a man and his unbridled love for the 12 piece chicken finger meal....with fries....and a vanilla milkshake....and apple pie. But you try not to eat the pie right away because it's always really really really hot and you burn your tongue because you can't ever wait until after you shove the fingers of chicken into your fat face.

mmmmm heart failure.