The dating game

Bachelor #1

Louis is a self proclaimed "wild and crazy guy" and a "Barrel of laughs", who lives with roomates. Those roomates just so happen to be his parents who wished Louis would take his ritalin. His parents also discredit his "barrel of laughs" statement with their own idiom..."a barrel of dissapointment".
His weekends are filled with disturbing japanese anime fantasies,dungeon and dragon quests to increase his sorcerers dexterity, and doing chores to earn his allowance.
One year from now Louis hopes to have passed level 17, grown shoulders and stopped "losing at life".

Bachelor #2

Danny is a sensitive handyman with the delicate physique of a tennis player. An avid gardener who is often seen digging in his backyard into the wee hours during thunderstorms, while dragging large contractor bags behind him. Danny describes himself as "warm and sensempheze" and a deep thinker who's idea of a romantic dream date is: a...romantic...dream...date, wit roses and mooosic. Danny's handler, Jim, describes him as a simple man who sometimes confuses every day activities as super powers, such as urinating or walking. Jim also wished danny actually had looked both ways before crossing that street.

Bachelor #3

Ronald is looking for anyone who will go out with him.
A true patriot whos "fading glory"(an advanced mullet) can only be kept at bay with an american flag doo rag.
Ronald, or playa59, is fed up with gold diggers who only want him for his money ever since his voice over work on the movie "sling blade".
He's a poet who loves to woo the ladies with his mastery of the haiku:

'Let's go to Wal-mart
need cheese puffs and wine coolers
Damn, the house won't start'

Ronald hopes to simply find someone who'll "just get me another busch".

To start, press Any key. So where's the ANY key?

Below is an epic FAIL email thread hot off the presses.
A customer support friend of mine, here at work, found himself in an interesting battle of wits against a top CEO of another company. However, shortly after reading the first 8 characters of the CEO's email, I began to suspect he was simply a 12 year old Dominican boy with displaced anger from the world baseball classic loss to the Netherlands.

I'm pretty sure the only thing this guy is in charge of is taking out the garbaje and recycling on Tuesdays and picking up his little brother from mariachi practice Saturday afternoons.

From: ESIVOIP
Sent: Sunday, March 22, 2009 7:51 PM
To: USA - Customer Support
Cc: EUSupport
Subject: Request Access To Customer Portal

I atended a Web inorder to atten thi was forced to instal I tais xxxxxxx A piso Of. Garbaje , , now not let me remove it , i need instruction how remove this junk idmediate io lossing time and frose my computer i i ca't do my work . if you do not get back to me idmediate i will sue you companys for a 100.000 per Hour , you entrape the people to use this garbaje and do not allow to remove , you have 24 to replay , additional i will put all over the internet this way no one use this Garbaje and abuse to force you to use , you ber call me idmediate

Mr. Escobar
ESI VOIP
________________________________

-----Original Message-----
From: Customer Support
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 10:44 AM
To: ESIVOIP
Subject: RE: Request Access To Customer Portal

Mr. Escobar,

If you want to remove the xxxxxxx software all you have to do is uninstall it from Add/Remove programs in Windows (any version).
The xxxxxxx software can't prevent you from uninstalling it, so if you are having trouble removing the software you may need to check with your IT for further assistance.

Thank You,
Customer Support

________________________________

From: ESIVOIP
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 12:20 PM
To: Customer Support
Subject: RE: Request Access To Customer Portal

I did it the stupid software lacks when I intent to remove you need to get some one to call me and , I will give access to see what dos this is entrapment from xxxxxxxx to force people to keep your Junk , as I say before I will star take action and put over the internet this way no one will use this Junk .

Mr.Escobar
ESI VOIP

-----Original Message-----
From: Customer Support
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 1:49 PM
To: ESIVOIP
Subject: RE: Request Access To Customer Portal

Mr.Escobar,

Again, I will explain how to remove the software:

1. Go to Start > Settings > Control Panel

2. Open "Add or Remove Programs" and search for AT&T Connect Participant

3. Select it and choose "Remove"

Our software does not have the ability to force you to use it, I am not sure why you are claiming that. As your company, ESI VOIP, is not an xxxxxxxxx customer I assume you downloaded the application when you attended a web event hosted by one of our customers.

Our application also does not have the ability to prevent you from uninstalling it. This means if you still cannot uninstall the software with my simple instructions above, your issue is not with xxxxxxxxx but with your own computer.


Customer Support

________________________________

From: ESIVOIP [xxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 2:02 PM
To: Customer Support
Subject: RE: Request Access To Customer Portal

What you think I am stupid? That is an insult I going to trash you so bad over the internet that you company will be sorry I know how do it , is your Garbage that some how Delivery Blocking to not allow to be removed you have a major Bug , after I do it still the stupid Logo of xxxxxxx, show as remove and then frizz the computer .

Get your act together and get me out of that Junk .

Mr.Escobar
ESI VOIP

-----Original Message-----
From: Customer Support
To: ESIVOIP
Sent: Mon Mar 23 14:19:57 2009
Subject: RE: Request Access To Customer Portal

Mr.Escobar,

You should check with your IT at this point, anything blocking you from removing our client is not related to our installation package.

Please understand we have thousands of users that install and uninstall our software every day. What you are describing is not a feature of our software, we do not try to prevent a user from uninstalling anything. If you lack Administrator rights, or perhaps you installed the software under a different user account, you may need to log in as Administrator to uninstall it. This is something only you can verify.

As you are determined to be confrontational and very unprofessional at this point I will no longer be assisting you. Consider this my last email response.

Customer Support

I'd rather be poor.

BEIJING (Reuters) – Only two memories brought tears to Sun Yaoting's eyes in old age -- the day his father cut off his genitals, and the day his family threw away the pickled remains that should have made him a whole man again at death.

For centuries in China, the only men from outside the imperial family who were allowed into the Forbidden City's private quarters were castrated ones. They effectively swapped their reproductive organs for a hope of exclusive access to the emperor that made some into rich and influential politicians

Guess where i'd really have no desire to waltz through back in old school china? That's right, the forbidden city's private quarters. Considering i'd have to cut off my own private quarters to gain access, it really doesn't sound like a good business decision. Also, correct me if i'm wrong here, but isn't the whole purpose of becoming rich and famous the ability to USE your genitals on individuals that are way out of your league and/or age bracket? I like to call this the Michael douglas effect.

I'm pretty sure a eunuch woke up, forgetting what happened and thought, "wow i'm so rich and famou....oh no I almost forgot I don't have my genitals anymore...lol lol lol". Hey, sometimes I wake up on Thursday and totally think it's Friday, so man that could have definitely happened.

But think the most important lesson here is that ancient china was filled will bad decision making, genital-less individuals who built a big wall to keep people with genitals out of their country.

Another good lesson is not to cut off your genitals.

Bow to your sensei

Naked man sought karate fight

GETTYSBURG, Pa., March 10 (UPI) -- Authorities in Pennsylvania said a man pleaded guilty to indecent exposure after he emerged naked from his home and challenged his neighbors to a karate fight.

Gary Jones, 47, pleaded guilty to a first-degree misdemeanor charge. Three children less than 16 years of age were among those who saw him walk out of his house naked, The (Hanover, Pa.) Evening Sun reported Tuesday.

Jones, of Gettysburg, was sentenced to one month in jail followed by two months of house arrest and 21 months of probation. He was also ordered to avoid contact with his neighbors and to pay a $200 fine.

Police said Jones emerged naked from his home after consuming alcohol Aug. 1 and approached neighbors Dennis Hucks, Gary Kerns and Andrea Orndorff while Huck's three children played nearby. He told the men that he knew karate and asked if any of them wanted to fight.

Jones allegedly told officers that he knew leaving his house naked was illegal, but he came out anyway because he is a "serious martial artist."

First of all, why didn't anyone accept his challenge? This seems like a slam dunk win for anyone who isn't named Gary Jones. What happened to freedom of speech and freedom of martial arts? Isn't this type of behavior covered under our constitution or the geneva convention?

If serious-naked-drunk karate is wrong, then I sure as hell don't ever want to be right.

I really hope the cop who arrested him knocked down that setup gary left for him.

Gary: "I know leaving my house naked is illegal, but i'm a serious martial artist"
Cop: "well sir, you are seriously going to jail".

zing!

I'm strong to the finish when I eats me spinach

Police seize 1,200 pounds of pot in spinach cans

Police with the New Mexico Motor Transportation Division found 1,200 pounds of pot packed in cans labeled as spinach during a stop at the Gallup port of entry. An inspector noticed that only a few of the cans were labeled and that the weight printed on the side of the can didn't match the actual weight. A closer look during last Friday's bust revealed the canned drugs, which were worth an estimated $1.5 million

This is all starting to make sense now.
- Corn cob pipe
- Squinty eyes (possible signs of advanced glaucoma)
- He thinks olive oyl is hot (obviously his judgement is impared)

Life choices indeed Ms. Martin.

Pinellas teacher-student nude photos case continues

There is no indication the Pinellas middle school teacher accused of trading nude photos with a 14-year-old boy had improper relationships with other children, authorities said Monday.

Martin, who earned $37,300, taught five computer classes and one "life choices" course, which involved teaching students about positive relationships, self-esteem building and conflict resolution, said Pinellas spokeswoman Andrea Zahn.

First of all why do I care how much my nomination for "teacher of the year award" makes annually? That is completely irrelevant. What is relevant is what a complete train wreck this woman is. And by train wreck I mean angel sent from heaven. Where was Ms. Martin when I was going to school? Perhaps being ignored by her father. Who knows, and I can only speculate at the soul crushing youth travesties she had to endure to get where she is today. And where she is today is definitely jail...or halfway to mexico to work as a drug mule for the mexican Sinaloa cartel.

I don't understand why no one else sees what an amazing teacher ms.Martin is.
She built the shit out of this kids self esteem.