If its not scottish, ITS CRRRRAP

<----Click me
(then click "begin" on the left hand of the screen to start the book)


Growing up and learning about sex is hard enough on your own, let alone learning from a Scottish chick who makes me giggle when she says knackers.
Not only will you learn way too much about the drinking habits of underage girls in scotland, but you can have the following questions answered:

Q. I've had sex once and it wasn't much fun, my penis hurt afterwards. Will it always be like that?

Q. The boys in my class call me gay as I don't have a girlfriend. Do you think I could be gay?

Q. I have small tits. Will I ever get a boyfriend?


There is no way this can be real. right?
RIGHT?!


The one thing this did do for me was completely change my outlook on scottish people.
Up until now my understanding has solely come from the workings of mike myers.






On a side note, did anyone else want to party with anne-marie after watching the boys and girls book?
yeah, me too.

Notes from the debate

So apparently a friend over at holytaco.com obtained a copy of each of the candidates notes from the debate.
I kept wondering what they were writing on their notepads the whole time.









holytaco

da da da da daaaaaaaa, i'm lovin it.

Except when I'm getting punched repeatedly in the face waiting for my McGriddle.




Now that's what I call a Mac attack.
Zing!


Seriously though, never get in between a man and his unbridled love for the 12 piece chicken finger meal....with fries....and a vanilla milkshake....and apple pie. But you try not to eat the pie right away because it's always really really really hot and you burn your tongue because you can't ever wait until after you shove the fingers of chicken into your fat face.

mmmmm heart failure.

Mooooooooooooooooooooove

your fat ass

A Middletown woman is arrested, after chasing children, peeing on a porch, and blocking traffic... all while wearing a cow suit.

Police say 32 year old Michelle Allen was chasing children in the 3100 block of Wilbraham, while wearing the cow costume early Monday evening. Allen also reported urinated on a neighbor's front porch. An officer told Allen to go home and stay there for the remainder of the evening.

Police were later called to North Verity Avenue, where Allen was allegedly blocking traffic. The arresting officer says Allen smelled of alcohol, slurred her speech, and was belligerent. She also alleged cussed at the officer.

Listen people, there's a fine line between disorderly conduct and an epic Friday night out on the town. That fine line just so happens to manifest itself in the form of a cow costume.......or chasing small children in conjunction with said costume. I mean who hasn't gotten thor-hammered on a Friday night and urinated on porches before pretending to be a traffic cop?

Bottom line, Nell Carter needs to lose the cow costume next time she goes on a bender. She also needs to stop chasing small children....presumably to eat them.

i love sarah silverman

that is all

You're doing it wrong

The stern face of Honest Abe Lincoln helped a Waffle House waitress catch a man who tried to pass a bogus $100 bill over the weekend.
Memphis police officers were called to the restaurant at 4314 American Way at 2:30 a.m. Saturday, where a security guard was holding a man who’d given the funny money to waitress Chantilly Smith to pay for his food.
Officers checked the bill, which a police affidavit states “clearly shows the face of Abraham Lincoln,” instead of Benjamin Franklin, on the right side when held up to light.
James Rhyne, 32, is charged with forgery and is being held on $25,000 bond.
He’s scheduled for an initial court appearance this morning

Lets give this guy some credit, at least it was a president.
I tried to pass this off to a cashier last night trying to get me some Lando Calrissian approved colt 45.

Its really dusty in here

If you don't get "Brian's song" teary eyed watching this, then we cannot be friends.

First homerun hit by babe ruth.
Last homerun hit by Jose Molina.

Number of championships = 26.
Jose Molina's number is 26.

Muslim clerics don't like killing.

....THEY LOVE IT!

Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claimed the mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and makes everything it touches impure.

The cleric, a former diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.

"According to Islamic law, the mouse is a repulsive, corrupting creature. How do you think children view mice today – after Tom and Jerry?

Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the "bikini Olympics", claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits.

"nothing made satan happier than seeing female athletes dressed in skimpy outfits"....and by satan, Muhammad means me.
true story.

hurricane Ike: "ima slap the shit outta you"

How can the news anchor for channel 11 call this guy a clown? He is clearly a national hero, in a bear suit... NOT a clown suit. That is simply sloppy journalism.
I'm also fairly certain that this brave man, dressed in his favorite bear suit, is not the first to do so. Therefore, Rux Russel, you fail at journalism and at life. I understand that there is a hurricane that's about to bitch slap texas, but the story here isn't about the pier being destroyed. I'm pretty sure most of the Galveston residents were not shocked that a wooden plank pier was destroyed by a hurricane. That is not a story, that's inevitable. However, a man dancing on the beach in a bear suit in the middle of a hurricane? Now that's the real story here.

Chanel 11 news, you're irresponsible journalism didn't inform or entertain, all you did was weaken a country today.




With a name like Ike how could anyone not expect this hurricane to pimp slap texas for wreckless eyebalin.

Da Foosball

In honor of the first real week of football here are a few football players, minus Jason campbell and their weak ass kicker, drafting for their weak ass fantasy teams.
How can you get out drafted by two girls? Inexcusable.

on a side note, I would love to play in their league.

CHAMPIONSHIP!





my new favorite quote is by smoot:
"He's nothin, He's a pair of shoes".