Now fat people really have to watch what they eat

Nestle Recalls 900,000 Pounds of Lean Cuisine

Reports of small chunks of blue plastic in Lean Cuisine brand frozen chicken dinners have led Nestle Prepared Foods Co. to recall 900,000 pounds worth of meals.

The frozen dinners were distributed nationwide, and at least one person has reported an injury, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service. No other details of the reported injury have been released by the USDA.

So not only do people with "thyroid problems" have to worry about ordering a diet coke with their super sized number 3 meal, they have to avoid plastic shrapnel in their Lean Cuisines too?!

Listen, in this age of globalization we have enough issues with china trying to export their raw sewage as "salted bean curd cubes in brine with chili and sesame oil" or their always delicious "100% awesome super fun time pet food", with 300% more kidney failing melamine.

How can we complain about the quality of slop other countries try to export to us when we can't even feed our "Health-ily challenged people" or the "lonely middle aged women who love cats a little too much" correctly?

"Excuse me stewardess, I speak Jive"

Flight Attendant Helps Land Plane After Co-Pilot's Mental Breakdown

An Air Canada co-pilot having a mental breakdown had to be forcibly removed from the cockpit, restrained and sedated, and a stewardess with flying experience helped the pilot safely make an emergency landing, an Irish investigation concluded Wednesday

As the aircraft reached the middle of the Atlantic, the report said, the co-pilot began talking in a "rambling and disjointed" manner, took another nap, and then refused to buckle his seat belt or observe other safety procedures when he returned to the cockpit.

The pilot then asked flight attendants to find out if any passenger was a qualified pilot. When none was found, one stewardess admitted she held a current commercial pilot's license but said her license for reading cockpit instruments had expired.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Hooooly shit.
On my list of "things i never want to hear when i'm on a plane", i'm pretty sure "does anyone know how to fly a plane" ranks in my top 3.

Others on that list include "allah akbar" and "i've had it with these mutherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" (only scary when Samuel L. Jackson says it)

GObama!

I'm so happy Obama got elected.
Now only if i had a time machine so that it could take it to Jan.21st, after his inauguration, so i don't have to pay for gas or my next mortgage payment!






First I'm able to vote for a black democrat.
Then I'm able to vote to decriminalize marijuana?!
I know i've said it before, but this time it's really true.
This is exactly like when pepsi came out with crystal pepsi.
What an exciting time to be alive!


seriously though, what else can we legalize while we're at it?